I would like to talk about my personal experience. From thirteen years old I had various kinds of teachers, many fine teachers who studied about one thing. This Ordination Master who transmitted Buddha's Precepts is the first master and one of the greatest masters to me. His name is Kin-ei Otogawa, Zenji. Over and over he appears to me, physically to my life and...almost always I feel I am in his hand, like a little ant, walking.
My Zazen Master Kodo Sawaki Roshi, was invited to the Temple Sogenji, my Ordination Master's Temple, and I started to sit zazen with him. He supported my zazen practice all the way through today, and I feel very grateful to this master, Kodo Sawaki, who is almost the opposite from this Ordination Master. I'll say the Ordination Master is the law itself, discipline itself. The Zazen Master was an undisciplined one, perfect freedom. Whatever you do is allowed and whatever you do you have to take care of it by yourself. I was young and didn't know myself from the outside. From the inside I understood many things, and spoke pretty clearly what I understood. What it really means in the broad aspect I didn't catch, and most children are like this. They understand but they don't understand what it means.
The Dharma Flag Master, or Hodoshi, chooses you as the head practicer for one practice period, usually for ninety days. The first year of university study, I went back to this master's temple. He is Reiyu Tamiya, Roshi. He came to Hawaii to teach Soto tradition and stayed there about seven years. His wife is my cousin's daughter, so we had a very close relationship. I was chosen in this practice period as the head practicer and had a very interesting Shuso Ceremony. Many, many people came from different places. You don't speak the modern language, you speak Zen terminology from beginning to end. Like Shakespearean drama, it is a perfect play. The questions people bring up are also all in Zen terminology, mostly relating with koan subjects, and the hardest part is answering to the travelling monks who join to this kind of occasion. They are very, very hard people to have this Dharma combat with. They live for talking to you...shaking you up in public. We call this ten pa, very special questions, a special subject. It is very hard and they prepare many tricks to let you fall in. There were three of them. I don't know where they came from or who their teacher was. No one knows, they just travel and sit among monks and ten pa! You are shook up! Anyway, I was very young, and it went very well.
And again I had a great opportunity to be close to a Zen master in Kyoto, Sawaki Roshi, after my Dharma Transmission with my basic teacher Koei Chino. Having so many teachers felt to me like a sort of adultery, you know, committing adultery in a very deeper sense. I had much thirst within me, and each master, each teacher fulfilled me, but I wanted more fulfillment than that; I was very thirsty about learning. And finally this Dharma Master settled me down. "No more seeking. No more seeking." A sort of peak experience taught me not to look around any more.
And I was feeling these days how he felt when I went away from him and continued to practice with Kodo Sawaki, and here with Suzuki Roshi, and now with all of you. How do you feel about life and practice and transmission? It feels very, very peaceful always whenever I feel these masters are present in zazen practice. No more questions, and continuous support always appears from right behind me, and it doesn't confront me any more, it's always behind me, supporting me. But the support is presence, is absolute, because the one who is right there I cannot see. Only I can feel. But the ones I see confront to him, all are his manifestation. I mean these masters' continuity is right here, I can see it. Right here! His manifestation is there. Right there another figure of his manifestation is there, and for always, all ways he comes to me, so I am surrounded by his presence. All the time.
Bodhidharma mentioned what this Fu Ja In Kai, or Fu In Yoku Kai is. He explained in this way, "Not to give birth to attachment in the truth of non-attachment." It is called no fulfillment. No desire fulfillment.
It is very recent to really notice the difference between purity of love and attachment in that love, and I'm very much aware what is my attachment in this love. Attachment grows all the time and it causes lots of problems, blind spots, unclear spots. You are attached to parts of the whole thing. I really understand now why Bodhidharma said, "Not to give birth to attachment in the truth of non-attachment." Non-attachment is truth. In such a situation we give birth to attachment. That's very important to see.