Can you say something about the importance or non-importance of solitude during this period?
It's a very important question. What kind of state is so-called solitude? It's a major subject. We usually think that to take off your position in the society, family life, and to be alone in the nature, in some place where you do not have any similar kind of communication patterns to give or to receive, but surrounded by various kinds of life patterns to be raised. Sort of basic idea of retreat, by yourself, is what we call solitude. That is a very physical setup of the solitude.
Basically, if we live in the society every day, we have that kind of solitude, basic solitude. Maybe, say, aloneness will be the proper way to express it. A more direct way to express it is what this individuality is. To recover your individuality as its basis is what the purpose of solitude is.
But this individuality, what you mean by that is, again, still relative situation, relative concept. Independent individuality is a proper way to say what independent individuality means.
So, being in solitude is to reach to emptiness and experience and understanding of emptiness of yourself, which means absolute dependency is the contents of your emptiness.
So, the purpose of solitude is to return to all existences you have concerns about, as a very selfless existence. At this point, selfless existence may mean, we can call it as bodhisattva-hood or buddhahood. Why it is so is, whatever you need, whoever you will be with, inseparable self of yourself, you sit over there, but your existence in itself is my existence itself too. And so, we say, I am you. But that's just two parts of one thing, and you say you and you say I and you. That's one another recognition from you about the same situation.
Absolutely important subject to recognition and practice of this. Another question lies underneath of this question is how to sustain that clarity of the existing authority when we are living with many people like we always experience.
We feel we are lost in the situation of a person, some particular person, sort of fearful, sometimes helpless feeling go with it. Less confidence about your own strengths of life, sort of. What does it mean by helplessness?
Helplessness, feeling of helplessness is not the lack of confidence but the lack of recognition of your confidence. So far we exist as this body and mind separate from others, there is no reason to feel helpless. But so much emphasis on others' existence besides you and so much concern to others within your mind exhausts you. You are exhausted to your sense of individuality.
I always experience. Almost always I am powerless and helpless because I have no worry about myself. Always worry about others. Not necessarily worry but think about others. What to do? What can I do? I always feel I am not myself. I am just another very single person. Still. A day of the day. Whole hour and a day. My mind and others forget me very often. Meal time that I forget.
So in such a situation longing for a short period of solitude is very strong to feel. That's a guilty feeling to take off from where I am. I feel that one hour after everybody is asleep, the sound of car dies, silence reveals its nature. Night time is my solitude time, very precious time.
I understand your question, the nature of solitude within your each sitting. When you sit in this way, actually people decide not to bother you while you sit. When you sit in a very contented, devoted way an hour a day, by just looking at your being, sitting, people feel, I cannot get into that plane. A mortal purity, a mortal rock. People give up, let her sit.
It's very contented. Even you have perfect opportunity to be alone and experience same nature of solitude, like living deep, alone in deep mountain for some time. In one sitting, you can have the same experience.
As you notice, mind, very mind is always powerful, even while you are sitting. When your chin starts to roll up like that, body begins to lean on the other way. It's very important to pull chin in, and this is relating with all nerve system, and straight line of your stretched spine, and smooth breath go with it. I wish you pay attention, not only while you sit, but all the time.
It feels good. All of a sudden you feel like a pillar standing like this. Inside there is empty. It feels very weightless. As if nobody is standing or sitting. When you start to lean, incredible weight begin to appear. The pain is sensation of that, those degrees.
You may understand why cross-legged position -- you think in the beginning, cross-legged position is painful one, and everyone agree that, but cross-legged position is the least pain. It's the smallest pain you can hold long time. For example, when you stretch your hand like this, after five minutes, you start to feel a load on your feet, because it's so painful.
I remember during World War, even in elementary school, teacher punished bad boy, to stand up corridor, everyone passed by. And bucket, water filled bucket, they have to hold it. It's terrible punishment, and the kids enjoy watching them. Especially when that person did very bad things to so many people, everyone... After thirty minutes doing this, make that very hyper -- how to call -- hyper energetic person, high energy person, very calm down.
Early part of solitude, miserable. You want to be with people. Too late. You said goodbye. Understand when to return. Even how to return, your mind knows. That time, solitude is success, your success.
So very powerful facility for such creative solitariness, solitude. You force yourself not to do things you usually do. It is romantic idea how nice to be alone, how many days you have rest, rest time, you don't know what to do. You want to do, but you don't know what to do. But if you sense that what solitude is in terms of bodily position, mind state, sitting is a very important, very proper way to place yourself.
Usually about eight hours of sitting a day, not to walk so much, stay very same spot, not to go away from that centered spot. So, eating, amount of eating decrease. So, reading must also naturally decrease. Kind of natural discovery that not just limited body of this, but how mind is itself existing, and you start to really observe mind of you is not just within your body. Whatever you see is part of your body. Whatever you don't see is also in yourself too. And yet, that yourself and that particular one is still individual, keeps individual center.
So, this recognition is very important. Usually, people refuse to get into cause to spiritual training or practice. They get half of it. "I own everything." And get stuck in that place with someone cheaply or maybe expensively confirm that you have got it. You have really gotten and cannot move from there. Speak constantly the same language which has a dead end. It doesn't go like that.
The mind of the enlightened state is extremely pure and flexible. You have no way to get stuck in some place. It means you don't say "I am all of those." You say other way around. All of those existences are myself. And no pride at all. Just a pure recognition that you are not separate from any part of the whole situation.
At that time you really appreciate that you have so much, and about several feet beyond the skin, beyond the border, your space extends. So you start to feel when you go too close to people, when you feel somebody come and speak too close to you, you feel very uneasy feeling, except to the person, people who really know the experience, no more separation. When a stranger come really close to you, you are scared or something like that.
What I wish to say is to have this individual body, to be able to wear shoes of your own, is the beginning of this sensation of this liberation. And you can take care of your movement, responsible about what you do, what you create. It depends on what you do, what you create, to reveal your production as a part of your body to others, really affecting the whole situation. You don't need to become so conscious about it, but the internal recognition which you really practice is very important. Otherwise we're always bumping into each other and have to say, I'm sorry, I didn't know that. Or we don't notice this basic aloneness.
When we pass the middle age and begin to feel stepping into old age, you don't need to take long vacations for your solitude, because it's sort of a sensation of dying process. Itself has that solitude quality. So your eyes become very inward directed.
That's all. So you're answering to your question. When you sit proper way, you notice all of them in different situations. You notice that your sitting caused that recognition, depending on situation.
So to choose the hardest place to sit is one way to stretch yourself. In another word, usually it is recommended to choose clean, quiet space, and immediately get external body of your sitting, it is very flourishing, like active dynamics to calm down. Calming down is expansion of your awareness of clarity. So it is recommending and it is ideal to choose that space. Not to direct to dark one gate, direct to wind constantly blowing, not to have temptation to smell always food or perfume, as well as bad smell which you don't like, to not have that kind of strong external impulses to you is a natural constellation where you like to be, which is how you want to create the external condition.
But this is relating with his question of solitude. If people understand that solitude is an external condition, it was a natural nature of sitting and sitting place. Eventually, people carry that kind of creative spirit of stillness, silence, not giving interaction to other people. So it looks like there is growing a lot of sleeping nature in his mind, of other people. Suddenly this other man is showing his self. So is something which is from his very origin?
As one makes a stream but then it changes and changes to other direction. Trees in the forest. Usually we call Zazen monastery soaring, a deep wooded forest we call it, referring each people as each tree growing straight.
I mentioned living in the monastery is a sort of ideal situation to practice, but at the end of it, it is actually a very important thing to recognize too. In another word, if you cannot manage yourself in the same way, in a very chaotic place, actually in practice or spirit it is still quite shaky, even if you feel perfectly good in the practice, it is still a very ideal place.
So you notice that when you live in the quiet mountain, like various spots of Santa Cruz mountain, for months and months, and come to the city of San Francisco, about a few hours later, your eyes are closed and in about three or four days you are like a smushed cucumber. It is an inner recognition. You are actually alive, but your sort of cleansed body and mind is all rotten. And you feel that way. Because it is true that continuous impulses pierce your body -- sounds and smells, food. Food is a very powerful thing.
Especially people who live in a very tough way in the city, it is like a solid canvas. People like to paint you. They give you lots of talk to you and you start to listen. Yes, this man is talking right. The next person, the complete opposite thing, and you say, sounds all right. Next day, another person come and talk different thing. And you suck drops of water. And you crawl back into the mountain. And you may run back by driving, but actually, the terrible state is when you come down from the mountain and start to lecture them. It is a very interesting situation. No one accept you. The continuous battle game. You get exhausted.
If they are wrong, you say, I am right. I am right. Wrong. Maybe everyone is right. That kind of puzzling question you carry and go back.
You see, another side of solitude, it has a very beautiful quality. It has very unique result. You have to observe what goes with it. It is a scene. One period is a scene. Even it is very short, you experience this in a very powerful way.
The basic subject is, it is called the shunya, the emptiness, the self of the emptiness. And you are, every moment, if you notice it, you are indestructible. Not only sitting time, but relating with others. Because you have nothing to insist. Only one thing is to let know of others, who they really are. And finally come to understand that others are yourself.
Still we get exhausted, so we have to recover from that. There is no more struggle or question, contradictory question. What it means by saying realization of every being's true nature.
In the beginning, you start relationship with full of compassion, because you know everybody end up with same extinction, complete extinction. In form. That cause you relating with other people's very same deep compassionate sensation. No matter what kind of person appear, you feel undestructive attitude to be kind to others. And the same kind as others. Because you are able to turn to whatever you are supposed to be, whoever you are supposed to be.
Even this recognition is weak. No selflessness, no attachment. Emptiness we call. Without this very contented practice, strength to keep your energy together for compassionate being with others. Very gradual still.
How to do is no matter who sit with you, besides you. To resolve your sitting opportunity just to keep doing it. Early morning while people are all still resting. Some people like myself end of the day and that's all. Checking everything is done or not. Sit. Some people sleep early and get up once in midnight, one or two o'clock, and spend about one hour to sit or to be alone, to pray. And again they sleep until nearly sunrise time.
And so to have that kind of, to give a chance to you to be alone sort of regular way is very wonderful way to take care of your practice.
It's true, you feel bad when you sit while other people are working very hard. You don't need to hide to sit, but not letting others notice you are missing while they are working. It's why we choose the place where no one notice you are sitting. Setting up this kind of space is sort of skillful means. When it is obviously bad thing to do, about three days later, people never start to complain, even never notice that it is good thing.
The other is wherever you go, whatever condition you have got, sometimes very hard to sit. Very important relationship as people go, if you take off, fall off, very dangerous thing happen. You have to be with others. Even you want to sit, you have to be with them. So the more and more important obligation take over your most of your time, energy, and sitting become very precious opportunity. Which is a sign that you are actually not striving toward perfection but perfection toward hardship.
It is like skin diving very deep ocean. Being sort of celibate, celibacy, and striving to the highest perfection which man can reach is like mountain climbing. Teachers, right teachers, very important guidance. Not necessarily they take your hand and bring, but focus of your idea within your mind, eyes, so important.
Repetition about sitting is just like sweeping the clean floor every day. It is not because you see the dust there so you sweep. Sweeping even no dust is there, you sweep. Which is important. This means we have continuous tendency to have unaware self-clinging and growing of ego. Even your long years practice, still we flip into that beginning of big trap.
So sitting is like crushing your illusion, never it starts to grow to hinder your practice. Before everyone notice smashing state, is not conscious. Sitting itself does that. And we don't expect the result of merit of sitting. But we notice that sitting itself took care of that.
It's obvious when you sit long time together, your face start to change. Atmosphere, mood of your appearance is obviously changing. About ten years later everyone will notice. Especially if you don't sit long time, and during that period you are sitting right way, they will be surprised. "What have you done these years? Tell me something." You don't say anything. They are curious what happened to you. You may say, "I have been just sitting."
[long pause]
So, please don't hesitate if you have questions.
What is the nature of various sensitivities among people? Like talking about environment and others and gradually realizing that separation isn't there, like even before you consciously try to pursue a spiritual path, there's a difference in sensitivity to other people, to environment. What is the nature of it? Does it have anything to do with compassion?
Precisely, everyone took their own path. Even real men. We are made of the same thing, and we are very much alike. If a dog or a monkey sees us, they will say we are very much alike. The vibration is very much alike. Because we know, we see the preciseness of each difference. So, none of us are the same.
Personality is a creative, very creative process of the completion of one's perfection. So, depending on how you have lived on this earth, what kind of environment you came through, what kind of ideal you are carrying, what kind of belief and what kind of language you are using, everyone is precisely different.
So, for example, even the god in the burning bush had to tell Moses that I am the same one as those, same god who was recognized by those people before Moses, in order to let Moses know from where the message is coming to, to whom that message is sent to.
I always feel, Moses is like a bodhisattva. Haven't you felt that way? Very clear and very powerful. The quality is very pure love, burning love, which flourishes the situation, which protects the life from disastrous situations, very spoiled situations.
I'm not answering to you. My answer is a little bit too far. You have to trust more of your own sensitivity and different impression. First impression has no struggle about not judging, but recognizing people. Although it's impossible to symbolize or characterize or to speak about it, but you have to really trust your own sensitivity. Instead of lacking your, or ignoring your sensitivity and emphasizing of more moralistic way how you're supposed to do so and so.
Because, as I said, to go into other's space, physically, spiritually, is a very hard practice, as well as accepting other dynamic into your dynamic. We are all a bundle of energy. Each person, it's a different kind of speed of mind. Not continuous, same speed, but each person has a different level of speed every moment.
So how to be with others is almost an intuitive decision each moment. The more people live close to you, the more you have to check your loving spirit, whether you are alive or not. With distant people, we are able to, somehow, have a cool relationship with a flow of compassion. But actually, when you live with somebody, like wife, children, sometimes you feel you are in the battle place or something.
So, wife-hood, husband-hood, lover-hood, so called, there is no particular rule how to be, but it is your task to be the best friend for others. How you can be the good wife for this particular person, that's a very creative situation. You create yourself in that way.
The basic point is, enjoyment to exist, to appreciate your existence, other's existence, is actually highest and deepest recognition of this relationship. Between that, we have continuous adjusting with other people.
It is mentioned that in order to practice well, to be with good friend is the most shortcut way. Because our mind, body, is like a clear space, like chameleon is like that. When it comes to a brown place, it turns to brown. When it comes to transparent place, green turns to transparent. Our mind is walking in that way, more faster way.
So, eventually it is a wise way to train you to have a hardship, hard situation to be, to strengthen your patience, strengthen your stretch, your path, limitation, higher and deeper. If you go too far, it is called ascetic. Bouncing, stretching has to have very strong bouncing, returning, coming back to the center. We call that nyu nan shin, soft, light mind. Nyu nan shin is a mind that practice develops within their being.
If you could remain open, you would always be energized while your energy is drained.
Or I don't have the center. I wonder if that's the resistance to it.
So, it's like building house and, what do you call, tearing down the house. Same kind of energy go, but different feeling.
If you are continuously in obviously negative situation, like nurse is, or doctor is continuously working sick people, there is a great learning, strengthening their skills. But the exhaustion is incredible. When you are student, to learn the skills, it is very hard, but very enjoyable too. Like as if excellent teaching and teachers comes into you, and you are charged by that presence.
We speak same thing in different way. One is respect and same thing is directed to this right side is called respect and left side is called compassion. What the actual content is, is same wisdom. When you have somebody, something to look up, this something which somebody face to you, compassion, and you face to that as respect. This is content of teaching. Actually, exchange of one teaching, one feels from that side is compassion. One feels respect from this way.
So, best is to continuously train yourself like so, and like so. If teacher of some kind, of any kind, quit learning and continuously look down, there is a big trouble there. So in order to be excellent to student, you have to train yourself as teacher too. And how to be not obviously teacher, not let other people to recognize your teaching, is require incredible wisdom. And being almost completed teacher, still to keep most humble student attitude is a mostly important quality of student.
So, altogether, you can drop the recognition of yourself as teacher or student. But continuous practice and continuous giving your understanding about yourself to others. This is how actually practice go. And quantity become very important quality at this point. So, we never stop practice. Even you feel you are completed. You still keep practicing. We call it Buddha advance.
Anybody else?
Hiroshi's nephew is arriving from Japan. I will bring him sometime. He stays for six months. Will become good friend with him. Young man.
How many people will be there tomorrow? Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. I am sure that you will be able to do good practice with your friends.
And several important things that we're going to do will be discussing several vacancies in the house and several vacancies later in April. So we should be referring that meeting and making sure that it's important.
We are planning to get together and celebrate Shakyamuni Buddha's birthday. How many years now? Almost 2,500.
It's going to be opened pretty soon. Very, almost 90% positive. By the end of April 8th, everything will be clarified. Except who is going to live there. Already around 20 people, 23 people, I think, really want to live there. So, we'll have a little space. But, I really want you to have limitless mind to accept people who are new. That's my fundamental attitude. And, don't you feel that way?