Present: Kobun (K) · Mary Kate (MK) · Angie · Ann · Carmelia · Gert · Glenna (Gl) · Trout · Edie · Nena · Joyce · Barbara · Judy · Hathaway · Steve B.
April 7, 1975. Hathaway's House.
K: It was nice Shuso ceremony yesterday. The same Shuso is sitting there. (points to Steve)
MK: Same one?
K: Same. (pause) Bamboo stick Shuso is holding, Shuso spoke: "Once it was udumbara1 flower, a flower which bloom when Dharma appear. Maybe with human eye it cannot be seen, with Dharma eye it is seen always. In this sense, if it bloom, it never bloom. Maybe once ten hundred years...five... For one who see this, it is eternal flower."
In this sense Buddhism, so-called it, existence of Buddhism in true sense is in the blossom of this udumbara flower. It is only newly born. Always young age, very young.
Men-ju, our study, subject study is, whether we can see this flower, udumbara. As Dōgen stated, "The face eye of the self is not the face eye... face and eyes... The face and the eye has been men-ju." This men-ju is the, as the very he use this word, men-ju, not as a noun... "Face and eye has been men-ju. Face and eye of the Tathāgata has been men-ju." Tathāgata is another word of, to the Buddha. Buddha-Tathāgata, you say. If you point something, some phenomenon, and "Thus come; thus gone" — that is Tathāgata. And, "Never come; never gone" is another way to express one. Same way, udumbara flower never bloom, thus bloom.
K: How men-ju appear, how men-ju is possible... Yesterday this Shuso who spoke, "Which is first? Spring wind or blossom?" This relate with men-ju. If blossom is first, spring wind never appear. If spring wind is first, it's too late, blossom is withered already. Dōgen spoke same thing. "Soku-kaku-no-jin-ki."2 Jin-ki, fastness of so-ku-kaku... soku-kaku is from both side you knock. When someone knock the door, hostess is already holding the knob. The fastness of meeting is at the same time when... how do you call?... hen? woman? female? Hen? Hen is holding eggs. When time come, she knows it comes, and appear, and they are born. The inside chicken begin to knock the shell from inside wiggling around, time to come out, and the mother know. From both side they hit the shell. Men-ju appear in that way. The hen knows what's going on, what she's doing, and what is there. The chicken knows how to appear, and when to appear. Strength from both side is kept in balance.
It's very delicate point to speak... to symbolize this kind of subject in human word.3 Once we have such experience, it is possible to understand what is men-ju and what the contents of men-ju.
K: As a human deed, how it appear, how men-ju appear is remarkable. Zazen action is one. Gasshō, join hand and bowing... this is the other side of zazen. How complete acceptance is done... zazen and bowing... is two expression of complete acceptance. Not only yourself, but whole thing. If it is not done, acceptance, you never do zazen or bowing. Bowing doesn't let you feel it is done. Doing zazen, something wrong is really wrong. Everything actually feels wrong because acceptance is not done. Zazen is done, but it wasn't gained. It was not done by you.
Last Wednesday had a little paradoxical subject. There are many poor people, sick people... why you keep sitting? This is a big subject. Why not stand up and help them? Student... Awareness, complete acceptance how others are, able meditate. Even you have stomach ache, you can meditate, too. To say, "I have stomach ache, so I better not to sit now"... "Is their boy crying? I must help him, even it is zazen time"... It's a very tricky subject, very paradoxical. One way or other way? This is family time. Same time is zendō sitting time.
Question come: always I have conflict what to do. One student Berkeley zendō. He cannot speak to Mel. Mel says, "You must come." I said, "You do what you really want to do. And when you really want to do, that is the thing which you have to do, the thing you allowed to do so, because stand up and do things is straying around. To sit in full lotus is straying around. Whatever we do, whatever we do not do is straying around. Everything is straying around. But doing so, you express your existence, which is not strayed around."
K: So men-ju is actually every where, holding something, meeting with people. It is natural thing for the Buddha when he hold Spring flower and Mahākāśyapa,4 who lived with him, with Buddha, for so many years, and when Buddha meditate, he meditate, and Buddha get sick, he become sick. Such person can see what's going on. The Spring. Men-ju is mutual. This is called current flows... how do you say?... not just one way?
Gl: Alternating.
K: Alternating. And the one who appear in this alternating flow is called a fish... like salmon, trout, go up the stream, hitting current and he goes into another current. It's... have you seen that scene of cascade? Salmon jumper? It's a beautiful scene.
Shakyamuni Buddha, life before ripening, it was like that... against him looks like, but he had to do. For him it was not against him. Because he came back against the natural flow. To follow the flow is against the flow. Never leave from the current. Left from people, never left people.
Question? I'll open discussion.
MK: I don't really understand what you're saying, Kobun. But I can't think of a question.
K: Ok. You don't... it's little unkind... you don't need to understand. (laughs) Don't try to understand. Feel you have understood.
Maybe more subtle way of explanation is, when tradition and new tradition, how it line up. Mutual acceptance makes new tradition old, keeping newness. And same acceptance make old tradition new, keeping oldness. Do you understand?
MK: Well... maybe. Maybe.
K: Like when I'm born. For a while I don't know who is my mother and who is my father. And whole while I was in dark... in that sense I was in complete world. Mother and father was just one person. I'm speaking of sensation of my existence on this earth. Mother and father is mingled energy which holds you... still in the tummy, actually. And one day I saw a clear figure. This is my father... so this is my mother. This is my mother... so this is my father. I started to understand what's going on. Now, I am in the same situation as little child. I can't discriminate who is my mother and who is my father. In woman I see father, and in young boy I see my mother. It's a crazy world! This is just little example.
In very chaotic confused world, still splendid wisdom exist. If you are able to see it. Top of Everest still fly, fly exist. Flies around. Cold jewel-like rain hit drunkard's head, too, in cold winter. It is whole body of you.
[the sheet ends here; the last lines were cut by the camera and survive only as fragments]
— translations of the Four Vows that people have made. I read from books, or just what people here have —